Have you ever been accused of nagging too much?
Do you know anyone who nags all the time?
Dictionary.com defines nag as: to annoy or irritate (a person) with persistent fault finding or continuous urging.
Nagging according to the Urban Dictionary is: “A form of moaning: primarily used by women to complain about nearly anything and everything.” Sounds like a definition only a man could come up with.
Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to research what the Bible says about nagging. Believe it or not it mentions nagging or quarrelsome seven times. Four of the seven refer to a quarrelsome wife, so heads up ladies. Here are the four mentioned.
· Proverbs 21:9 and 25:24 (ESV) - It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
· Proverbs 21:19 (ESV) - It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.
· Proverbs 27:15 (ESV) - A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike.;
Wow, nothing is mentioned about a quarrelsome or nagging husband, only the wife seems to be an issue. Either way, I’m sure I would be bothered by a nagging husband. These scriptures demonstrate that a man prefers peace even at the price of physical discomfort. It is suggested that a man would be better of living in the desert or on the corner of the roof rather than with a nagging woman. I had to laugh because my husband has a fear of heights and has gotten stuck on the roof twice trying to hang Christmas lights before I started bugging him about getting it done.
In expanding on these scriptures, Matthew Henry’s Bible Commentary states “what a great affliction it is to a man to have a brawling scolding woman as a wife, who upon every occasion, and often upon no occasion, breaks into a passion, and chides either him or those about her, is fretful to herself and furious to her children and servants, and, is both vexatious to her husband.
A nagging wife is even compared to an annoying drip. My husband has gotten out of the bed to stop a dripping faucet because it irritated him greatly. Early in our marriage as a stepfamily, I found myself asking him several times to tell his children something on my behalf. If I didn't think he was doing as I had asked, I would ask him again, with a little more high pitch in my voice. Even now he has mentioned that I don't ask one question, I rapidly fire them off. Uh oh, is he secretly accusing me of nagging? I better check that out.
So what’s the solution when we need to get information from our spouses or get some things done? You know, if they would just do what they are supposed to do, we wouldn’t have to complain right? The answer is as simple as communication 101 for couples. Learn to communicate in a positive, non-accusatory tone of voice and don’t forget your body language. Remember, it’s not necessarily what you say, it’s how you say it. If you
speak in a tone of voice that indicates quarreling or repeat the same question
over and over or ask questions in a condescending manner you may be accused of
nagging. Better go check the roof.
For Stepfamilies, Mother's Day can be a day of mixed emotions. As a biological Mother, I am always excited about whatever my children do for me. In fact, just hearing them say Happy Mother's Day and spending time with them makes me smile. When they were younger, they had to depend on their biological father to assist them with card or gift buying etc. As I mentioned in a previous blog, it wasn't about the gift, it was the thoughts and expressions of love that mattered. In biological families, the father will lead the effort to make sure Mom has a wonderful day. Dad will suggest to Mom to relax and he will work with the kids to make it a great day.
In stepfamilies, there may be some confusion about what to do for stepmoms and ex-wives on Mother's Day. The year I remarried, my husband wanted to make sure I had a fabulous day. He inquired of my children if he could assist them with anything and they assured him that they had it taken care of. They had sought help from their biological father because he had always assisted them, even after the divorce. My husband focused solely on assisting his children with purchasing a gift for me. His children struggled with selecting a gift for me because they had not yet gone shopping for their mother and didn't quite know how to ask for their father's assistance. I really didn't have a lot of expectations from his children, because I expected them celebrate with their own mother. I would have been pleased with a phone call.
Since they had been out shopping most of the day Saturday, I was surprised when they came in the door empty handed. Later that night, I asked my husband what his children had purchased for their mother, only to find out nothing had been done. He assumed the older children would have taken care of it. He was wrong. Feeling guilty, I got dressed and went to the store to purchase something for the bio-mom for her children to give to her. This was their first Mother's Day weekend away from their mom. When my stepchildren woke up on Mother's Day at our home and prepared to go to their Mom's house, they were in no mood to wish me a Happy Mother's Day before they saw their own mom.
So many lessons were learned that first year. As a result I have suggestions for stepfamilies: 1) Regardless of whose weekend it is, stepfamilies should follow the standard visitation rule with children being with their biological mother on Mother's Day weekend. 2) The biological father should assist with younger children in purchasing cards, gifts, etc. 3) In stepfamilies, husbands should suggest acknowledging the stepmother, but not force his children to do anything they don't want to do. 4) Stepmoms shouldn't have big expectations from their stepchildren. 5) Regardless of what is done for you as a stepmom, be appreciative.
With all that being said, I hope everyone has a wonderful day. "Happy Mother's Day".
I love hats and wear them whenever I have a chance. On Saturday, I had the opportunity to attend a "tea party" complete with hats and gloves. It was a wonderful occasion. There were hats of all kinds, in every color imagineable. I was running late so I didn't have an opportunity to run by the house and pick up my hat, however when I arrived the hostess (a hat lover) had an assortment of hats at the front door so that everyone could participate. What a fabulous time we had.
As I looked at all of the lovely hats in the room, it reminded me of all of the hats we have to wear as women. We are moms, stepmoms, wives, daughters, grandaughters, aunts, sisters, church members and co-workers. How do we manage to do it all? For myself, it requires getting up early in the morning and praying for the strength and the wisdom to make it through the day. I start out with my wife and stepmom hat on and then switch to my work hats. During the day, I had to switch to my mom hat when my son sent me a text asking me how to make fish tacos and my daughter asked me how she was going to get all of her clothes home for the summer break. As I shared with a co-worker, I modeled my friend hat. End of the work day and back home to change hats again and you get the picture. Hopefully as I try to model all of these hats I can achieve the gifts of the Proverbs 31 woman, "Her clothes are well made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile." (Proverbs 31: 25 The Message).
Well it's time to take off my blogging hat and put the wife one back on. Happy Hat Wearing!
It's almost May which means Mother's Day is coming soon. For most moms, Mother's day can be fun. When you have younger children, school teachers often assist students with making gifts that don't cost anything. Some of my favorite "school made" gifts include drawings, paper flowers, a ceramic ring holder, picture frame and the lovely plaque pictured on the left. This Mother's Day gift was made by my daughter Addy at school when she could barely etch her name on the back to distinguish hers from all the other ones made by her classmates. I have learned over the years that its not the gift that matters, is the love that the giver is trying to express. I tried to encourage my children to be thoughtful rather than trying to spend the little bit of money they had. Now that they are older and can afford store-bought gifts, it's still the choice of the card that warms my heart, not how much they spend on the gift. Since I know they will ask what I want for Mother's Day, I always keep some ideas in mind to suggest, because they want to make sure they get something l want.
Don't get me wrong, nice gifts are wonderful, because the older I get the more I try to do as much as I can for my own Mother, since she sacrificed so much for me and my siblings when we were growing up. She often went without buying something for herself because she had to buy clothing and other things that we needed. I am grateful to her for what she did for us, so I now want to be a blessing to her.
So as Mother's day is approaching, think about some of keepsake gifts you have collected over the years from your children. What has been some of your memorable gifts or activities? Please leave a comment.
Janice R Love, Author
First Lady, Mom, Stepmom and Divorce Ministry Coach