Holidays are great for families, but there are many people who for whatever reason may find themselves alone for the holidays. We just realized that our youngest son who just left for the marines will have to spend his birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas without anyone in our family this year.
I remember when I was single due to divorce. I was used to being alone and actually enjoyed having my privacy and alone time. However, there was something about the holidays that caused me to feel lonely. You begin to have flashbacks about what the holiday used to be like or you hear of the holiday plans of other families and now your plans to be alone sounds depressing and lonely. Sometimes we even get nostalgic wishing we had not made the changes in our lives because of the holiday blues of being alone.
When you really think about it, we are really talking about Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day and maybe New Year’s Eve/Day. Three little measly days, that will come and go before you know it. So, what can you do to handle your concerns about being alone during the holidays? Here are some suggestions that may help you.
Yes, being alone during the holidays can be tough and lonely. But remember, loneliness is a state of mind. Many times we feel lonely because we have set unrealistic expectations. Don’t add additional stress to your life by having impossible expectations about what the holiday should be. Focus on the things that you can control and most of all, don’t expect others to bring you happiness for the holidays.
Hopefully you have found something that will work for you. If not, remember, “This too shall pass.” Focus your mind on the real reason for the season, keep your head up and before you know it, it’s a brand new year! Happy Holidays!
Oh the joy of falling in love. You think about your beloved all the day long, your heart goes pitter patter and your eyes light up when you see him or her. You may experience exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, and accelerated breathing. On the other hand you may experience anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship is challenged. You wish you could be together every waking moment.
I remember experiencing all of these symptoms more than one time in my life and none of them turned out to be a predictor of a lasting relationship. When we fall in love with our heart, we may tend to ignore reality or other glaring signs that this may not be the right relationship for you. Don’t get me wrong, romance is wonderful and feels good, but a lasting relationship must be based on what your mind says, not just what your heart says.
Even more challenging is being a romantic at heart. Nobody loves romance movies more than I do, especially those where the girl has given up on love and she ends up falling in love and living happily ever after. Who can resist the movies Titanic, Sleepless in Seattle, Pretty Woman, Love & Basketball, and How Stella Got Her Groove Back? Each one of those movies, tugged at my heart strings and I left wondering if love could ever happen to me that way. I wanted to have the “love glow” on my face like each of the women in those movies.
A few years ago I had a conversation with my daughter about finding a mate and about marriage. I encouraged her to make her requests known to God by writing down what she desired in a future. I had done the same thing after I had experienced divorce and was considering what it would take for me to take the plunge again. As a pay to ward off potential suitors, I cam up with my “perfect man” list. My list contained some physical characteristics, but it included mostly what I wanted in a man intellectually. I wanted someone who was of course tall, dark and handsome (I threw that because I didn’t want the Lord playing tricks on me), but I also wanted an intelligent man who loved God, was respectful of his parents, was involved in the community, understood my commitments to my children and family and of course had a wonderful sense of humor.
By looking at my list, it was easy for me to turn some suitors down because they did not pass the test. Why would I make the mistake of entering into a relationship with someone who did not share my commitment to God or who didn’t go to church? Why would I choose a mate solely based on how they were dressed or how they looked wearing a suit?
According to marriage experts Dr. Les and Leslie Parrot, there are 7 predictors of whether or not a couple will be happily remarried. They include:
Janice R Love, Author
First Lady, Mom, Stepmom and Divorce Ministry Coach