The first time I was going through divorce I remember being afraid to have that crucial conversation with my parents. I knew my mother adored my husband and she was very proud that I was a minister’s wife. She beamed as she shared with others “this is my daughter the one that is married to a minister.” I felt like I was going to ruin my Mom’s hopes and dreams for me.
So when it was time to make that important call to my mother I was a nervous wreck. I was worried that my mother was going to be so disappointed in me. I surely wasn’t going to talk to my Dad, so my plan was to talk to Mom and have her to tell Dad. I decided to start the conversation by informing Mom that I was probably going to be moving again and then explain the reason as being "because we were going to be getting a divorce. '
After I got it all out, to my surprise Mom didn't give me a lecture about how we should stay together regardless of what was going on. Instead she said, “You girls don't have to to put up with the things I had to in my day and time.” She listened to what I had to say and then reminded me that she raised us to be able to take care of ourselves and said I would be alright on my own. She then went on to ask where I was moving and how soon.
Unfortunately I had to have this conversation with my mom twice. The second time we divorced, (yes, I married and divorced the same husband twice) it was even harder to explain but once again, Mom showered me with unconditional love. As I now experience my own children getting married, I hope I never have to have that conversation with them. My husband and I are praying for them that each one of them finds love and happiness and that they do it right the first time.
So what should you do if your child informs you that they are struggling in their marriage and possibly heading towards divorce court? Here are my suggestions:
Janice R Love, Author
First Lady, Mom, Stepmom and Divorce Ministry Coach